It's Been Two Years

It's been two years that Jake has been gone and the grief hasn't lessened too much. In some ways, I can't believe that Jake has died. I am still waiting to hear him "talk" to me about feeding him his dinner a little earlier than normal. There are so many things that I did with Jake that miss terribly. The funny thing is the last few days that Jake was still alive, we had a pretty big snow storm and we just got through one yesterday. Every night, I still have to wish Jake goodnight before I fall asleep. I still remember how his coat felt under my hands when I would pet him and the look he would give when I stopped petting him. I still do not regret taking those calling off work for those two days to spend that time with Jake. It was extra time with Jake. What I miss the most is just being with him. Even when we were not doing anything, it was the being together that meant the most. I have been trying to keep myself busy the past few days to keep from not stewing about the things that I might have been able to do differently the last couple months that Jake was alive. At the end of the day, I don't think that it would have bought me extra time with Jake or improved his quality of life. The most important thing is that Jake was loved all of those eleven years that I had with him and we gave him the best quality of life we could give him.

I am just two payments away from paying off my Afterpay balance. I am debating on if I should keep my account frozen for a couple weeks after it's paid off or unfreeze it and make a Luckyscent order. I keep window shopping Luckyscent website and I have taken to window shopping the Nordstrom website. I keep promising myself that I wouldn't go and buy more than 2 full bottles of perfume this year. With that resolution, even though I haven't bought any new bottles of perfume, I am wavering on it. I want the back up bottle of the Chanel no 5 parfum. I doubt that it's going to discontinued any time soon but with Afterpay, I have the "funds" to get a bottle. My whole New Year's resolution is mainly to spend less money and not be living paycheck to paycheck so much. I am seeing some results of not spending so much. I am not quite as worried about being so thin on funds by Monday. I might have hiccups along the way but I really want to work on building a better relationship with money and shopping. I would love to  be able to take a short trip in the next year or two and if I can build a better way to spend money, a short trip is possible.