Jake Had Died

After a long, hard weekend, the hardest decision a pet owner faces was made. Jake has passed away. We had a vet appointment this afternoon for a couple x-rays and there was a confirmation on end stage cancer. I'm a mess right now. Everywhere I look, there is a reminder of Jake. His blanket bed thing by the television, his food and water dish still in the same spot and dog toys everywhere. I don't have the heart to pick any of that stuff up at the moment. Just like I didn't want to put on perfume today, today felt like a day where perfume just didn't suit. 

After Jake was put to sleep, I didn't want to leave him there, cold and alone. Yes, I will be getting a paw print and his ashes in a week. It was going to the vet today with 2 living dogs but leaving with only 1 living dog was a horrible feeling.

Yes, this morning's walk was the last walk I was able to take with Jake. There were so many lasts with Jake today. The last day that he got a car ride, the last time he had his favorite treats. I will never again hear him snore, have a puppy dream, nor will I hear him bark at me for a walk. I won't smell his horrible gas or listen to him "talk" when we are cuddling. I didn't want it to be the end of the road with Jake but today was the end of the road. My eyes are red and swollen and I feel like shit. One of the things that I will miss the most is opening a Barkbox every month with Jake.

Jake had always gotten the biggest kick out of Barkbox. A package that came every month and he knew that it was for him. I know that I am going to set aside the Gordon the Giant Sloth toy along with the video game controller toy. The Barkweiser Clydesdale toy is getting set aside as well. Those were his 3 favorite Barkbox toys. It's hard to accept that Jake isn't alive anymore and I will never see him play with those 3 toys or play with his little sister, Sydney.

I am thinking of the day around 11 years ago, Pilots and Paws brought Jake to us. At the time, he was about 2 years old and looked like Santa's Little Helper. I was at work when my parents brought him home. When I had arrived home, Jake came racing right up to me, tail wagging and leaned right up against my legs wanting cuddles. In that nano second, I seemed to be his special person and was until he took his last breath. It won't be an easy few days for Sydney, my parent and I.

Right now, I have a Bath and Body Works Midnight Snow candle going in remembrance of Jake. I am currently hoping that he is at peace and playing with Bailey and Charlie over the Rainbow Bridge.