My Heart is Still Broken and Chanel Coco

It's still incredibly hard since Jake's permanent goodbye. Sydney is still looking for Jake and I don't know how to tell her that Jake isn't coming home alive. He is coming home in an urn and I wish that he was still alive in my arms. I'm having a very hard time sleeping, eating is a chore due to no appetite and I am dreading going back to work tomorrow. My first shift back at work since Jake died and I won't be able to hear him bark at me when I come home. He would bark at me because he would want to go outside and do his business. That barking was also a joyful bark because I was home. Never again will I hear the sound of Jake's voice in the land of the living. That bark is only a memory now. I finished that Midnight Snow candle and that is part of the little memorial that I am currently making for Jake. Lighting a Winter candle was a little rough. The first brand new candle that I lit and Jake is gone. My parents and I went out to dinner tonight and we were putting away any kind of food thing out of habit and remembered that Jake is gone and there wasn't much of a need anymore. Sydney was never a counter surfer but Jake always was. There are 13 years on ingrained habits that are very hard to break. It's always the final goodbye that is the hardest when you lose a pet. We tried to extend Jake's life with that thyroid surgery and fatty tumor surgery and give him a better quality of life.

A couple people that I know have dismissed my grief over Jake and got on my case about blogging about it. Jake has more than earned a place on my blog, all my dogs earned a place on this blog. This is my blog, my dogs and I will blog on what I want. They think that pets are a waste of time and money. I had to go nuclear on one person and make him reassess a lot of things. Having a dog can make a person less self absorbed. A dog teaches you about love, about loss and joy. They help you learn to live in the moment. With Jake's last few days, it was hard to live in the moment knowing that his time on earth was really finite instead of infinite. I made sure to tell him that he was an awesome buddy and I loved him very much. I asked him to say hi to Annie, Bailey and Charlie for me and I hope when I die, I will get to see them again. 

Today was the first day that I was looking forward to wearing perfume. Saturday through Wednesday was remnants of whatever I had on my sleeves or like yesterday, Shalimar. Shalimar was part comfort and part honoring my time with Jake. Today, I broke out my new bottle of the original Coco (not the flankers). Still smells like 80's work and still smells like what I remember from that decant that I had. Back when STC and TPC had Chanel decants, I had gotten a ton of Chanel decants. Then the Chanel company really cracked down of decanters and you can't really find anyone that decants Chanel perfumes anymore. But Coco smells a little less dated or they might have changed some things around but it still smells like Coco.