Sick and Stuff

So I have been sick since last Thursday and I am looking at going to my local walk in first thing. This is starting to look like a case of bronchitis but we shall see. All I know is that I haven't been able to sleep for the past two nights. It seems like as soon as I drift off, I have another asthma attack and then it's a nebulizer treatment. I probably should have gone yesterday or today. So I haven't been able to wear anything scented outside a little bit of the Cheirosa 62 lotion. So that means that any serious perfume wearing is going to have to wait.

It was a sad Monday for me. I had to do some cancellations. Two of the three subscriptions that I had, I had to cancel. I have no regrets about canceling Walmart Plus. For what I was paying, it wasn't worth the price. It was either half of what I ordered would be out of stock or my groceries would never arrive. The order would be delayed with no way knowing when anything would come and it seemed like every time you turned around, I had ordered groceries. So was wasn't too upset over that. The one that had to be cancelled was Barkbox. I had Barkbox for at least 12 years and my dogs always lit up when it came. So it's probably going to be around Thanksgiving or Christmas when I can probably get Barkbox again. People say that my dogs won't notice but I think they do when they have had something come for them every month. Today was the last Barkbox box that came. So I am saddened that I had to cancel Barkbox. The grand total might be a shade under $50 but I would have liked to hang on to Barkbox. But there are a few things that have to wait right now.

What I am waiting for is when Sephora will have their spring sale event. I am not holding my breath for the pure parfum version of no 5 to come back into stock. I set aside $25 in a Sephora gift card for a cheap bronzer and find something for my mother to round out her mother's day gift. I already have her birthday gift but I like to do a little grab bag for mother's day. Mother's day is always a week or week and a half before her birthday so it's a pick wisely on what to give her and when.

Gearing Up for Another Storm

 Right now, it looks like another winter storm is headed my way and naturally, I am going to be working. Well, I only have to work one of those days but it still sucks. When I go into work tomorrow, I will be dealing with tons of people panic buying groceries. I live in Ohio and this kind of stuff is nothing new. It rains and it snows here. What I am doing and going to be doing is trying to get stuff down around the house and really keep on it. Who knows if I will lose electricity and I don't want a sink full of dirty dishes from the night before and with no way to wash them and I have to remember that tonight I need to take the garbage to the curb. The less I have hanging over my head, the happier I will be. All I know that is I am fully stocked on candles and if the power goes out, I will have something in the way of light and the fireplace for heat. Candles don't give off a lot of heat even if you burn 10 at once. I'm hoping that things won't be too bad. I don't want to go through 2020's snow storm fiasco again. Days of no electricity and running waster was horrible.

I finally bit the bullet and cancelled my Barkbox add on. What Jake and Sydney had was a double Barkbox and since Jake is gone, Sydney doesn't need 4 new toys every month and 4 bags of treats. So she is just getting a regular Barkbox now. It's still so strange not having Jake around and how many adjustments that still need to be made to not having him here. Today is the day that I had put away Jake's bedding that was in my room and I have started to adjust to not having Jake snoozing on my bed at night. I still say goodnight though.

For the past couple months, I have been wearing no 5 and craving it at all times. Other favorites seem to annoy me at the moment but I am starting to crave Tobacco Vanille more and more and starting to hanker for Lost Cherry. I have travel sprays of both and I am debating on when the Sephora spring sale comes, do I want to go down the Lost Cherry or the Tobacco Vanille full bottle route? I have enough no 5 to last me for the next 10 years. It's funny on how I've never paid a whole lot of attention to Tom Ford offerings. Maybe his prices are even more outrageous than Amouage's prices. We shall see what the future brings between now and April.

The First Full Day

 This is the first full day that I don't have Jake with me. I am still crying and trying to cope. Today is the first time I woke up and Jake wasn't there. The first day that I wasn't able to give him his good morning kiss and cuddle and last night was the first night that I wasn't able to give him a good night kiss and cuddle. I had a doctor's appointment today and it was the first time in almost 13 years he wasn't there to run up and greet me when I came home. Today is the first time that a Barkbox will come and he won't be there to tear open. I was hoping that this month's Barkbox would come earlier for him and Sydney to tear open. It will be Sydney's first Barkbox to open alone. As I am typing this, the Barkbox has arrived and I am sobbing. Sydney is confused but she knew Jake was sick and she was there when we put down Jake. I wanted Sydney to say good bye and I am happy that we took Sydney along with us. We took her with us and thought she could say good bye to Jake and maybe understand the process and that Jake had died. Death might be a part of life but losing Jake doesn't make that fact any easier. Jake was my buddy and it's going to be even harder tonight when Sydney and I go on our walk at night. Jake won't be there and I won't get to walk him anymore.Some time next week, I will be picking up his ashes and paw prints. I am not sure how I will be able to face that fact. Today is the first full day that wasn't spent giving Jake his medication in globs of peanut butter. My appetite is pretty much shot where all I want is a mouthful of food and don't want anymore food. Watching Dr Pol on TV brings me no joy it's not a whole lot brings me joy at this point. Looking at Jake's leash, I know that I will never be able to take him to the park again for even more walks. Jake really did love going to the park.

When I first got Jake, I wore Shalimar and I am trying to honor our time together with Shalimar today. Is it bringing me comfort? Not really. I just want Jake here with me and alive.I might still have Sydney but she is just as lost as I am and she is confused on why Jake isn't here. She doesn't quite understand that Jake isn't coming home alive but in an urn. I know that Jake was sick and his quality of life wasn't good and putting him down was the only option left but it wasn't what I wanted.

Jake Had Died

After a long, hard weekend, the hardest decision a pet owner faces was made. Jake has passed away. We had a vet appointment this afternoon for a couple x-rays and there was a confirmation on end stage cancer. I'm a mess right now. Everywhere I look, there is a reminder of Jake. His blanket bed thing by the television, his food and water dish still in the same spot and dog toys everywhere. I don't have the heart to pick any of that stuff up at the moment. Just like I didn't want to put on perfume today, today felt like a day where perfume just didn't suit. 

After Jake was put to sleep, I didn't want to leave him there, cold and alone. Yes, I will be getting a paw print and his ashes in a week. It was going to the vet today with 2 living dogs but leaving with only 1 living dog was a horrible feeling.

Yes, this morning's walk was the last walk I was able to take with Jake. There were so many lasts with Jake today. The last day that he got a car ride, the last time he had his favorite treats. I will never again hear him snore, have a puppy dream, nor will I hear him bark at me for a walk. I won't smell his horrible gas or listen to him "talk" when we are cuddling. I didn't want it to be the end of the road with Jake but today was the end of the road. My eyes are red and swollen and I feel like shit. One of the things that I will miss the most is opening a Barkbox every month with Jake.

Jake had always gotten the biggest kick out of Barkbox. A package that came every month and he knew that it was for him. I know that I am going to set aside the Gordon the Giant Sloth toy along with the video game controller toy. The Barkweiser Clydesdale toy is getting set aside as well. Those were his 3 favorite Barkbox toys. It's hard to accept that Jake isn't alive anymore and I will never see him play with those 3 toys or play with his little sister, Sydney.

I am thinking of the day around 11 years ago, Pilots and Paws brought Jake to us. At the time, he was about 2 years old and looked like Santa's Little Helper. I was at work when my parents brought him home. When I had arrived home, Jake came racing right up to me, tail wagging and leaned right up against my legs wanting cuddles. In that nano second, I seemed to be his special person and was until he took his last breath. It won't be an easy few days for Sydney, my parent and I.

Right now, I have a Bath and Body Works Midnight Snow candle going in remembrance of Jake. I am currently hoping that he is at peace and playing with Bailey and Charlie over the Rainbow Bridge.

Amazon Prime Day and Other Things

 Amazon Prime Day has come and gone and it was a let down. Not because I couldn't buy much of anything at all but the deals were pretty lousy in my opinion. One would think that with Covid and people being low of funds, the deals would be a little better. I was hoping that some of the books that were on my wish list would have some kind of really good discount but nope. I did manage to score one book that was within my budget but since when do I read trashy romance novels or the whatever low grade books? But the things on my wish list will have to wait. My parents went on a little bender for house things and a couple plant things. My mother got some kind of vacuum thing to vacuum under her bed and to vacuum the stairs. I have been trying to fix the attachment for one of the vacuums to get the carpeted stairs, the thing won't work no matter what I do. So yeah, the stairs leading upstairs are pretty gross with dog hair and whatever dirt that can't be seen. I will probably be using that Saturday.

I've noticed that Sephora has been bombing my email account trying to get me to buy stuff. Okay, Sephora, you are to the point of way too expensive. I can only afford to shop at your physical store once a year, if I can actually get to a store. Or if I am shopping online, I will do twice a year. But even then, I am not spending a lot and usually it's either your spring sale of you have given me a coupon if I have spend a certain amount. We shall see what my financial state looks like when the coupon you sent me is active. Maybe I will get that Coco Mademoiselle lotion or that travel spray. 

I have no idea on what is the problem with the postal service around here. Every month my dogs get a Barkbox and I've noticed that Barkbox seems to be shipping their stuff a couple days earlier but the box seems to be arriving at my doorstep later and later. It's not Barkbox's fault but something is going on with the postal service. So Barkbox said that if the box doesn't arrive by the 26th, to contact them to make it right. But I do think that Barkbox needs to reassess their relationship with the post office.